The last year has been a whirlwind for me. I have had more things shake my secure little life than I can ever remember in years past. “Wait a minute”, you might say, “I remember when this or that happened. Certainly THAT was more disturbing than anything that happened this year.” Yes, yes the past always likes to rear it’s head and remind us of something we thought, at that time, we’d never get through. But I have survived all of that garbage and I am strong. I’m not afraid of satan’s reminders. He’s such a loser.
So why was this year different…. Even more difficult? I’m just learning myself. Let me share…
This was my oldest son’s senior year of high school. I honestly didn’t see it coming! Yes, I watched him grow everyday into this amazing young man, who I just can’t believe was given to me to raise. Certainly one of God’s greatest blessings on my life. It leaves me speechless. More than once in my life I’ve grabbed the hand of Denial and walked for miles and miles. This was one of those times…
I have been a stay at home mom since this son was 5 years old. Another over the top, huge, amazing blessing from the Lord. Nothing in my life thus far has compared to this experience. I enjoy being “just a wife and a mom” more than breathing. It is what has brought me to life over the last 13 years. My youngest son and I have such an awesome relationship. He has grown up so fast and loves to take the role of my protector. I love it. I can’t imagine either of my boys and me being this close had I not been able to share these years at home with him. And I can’t even get started with the man I’m married to… I am still head-over-heels for him and our marriage is one of my favorite things in life.
I guess I’m going over this to say one thing. Man, life is good! Easy-peasy. A bump along the road here and there, no problem! After my family was off to work and school each day, my time was my own. Gardening in the summer was one of my favorite things to do. I love to cook. But most of all, I had time to read and study my bible every day. I could “hang out with Jesus” each and everyday… Whether that meant just praying out loud or praising out loud or whatever. I love to study. I had time to lead a bible study here and there. Yes, life was good indeed.
So, when things began to change, you might understand how I was hanging on with white knuckles to anything I could fix my fingers around. I prayed, I stood strong, assuming this was some kind of attack on what I thought was my “ideal” life. I cried out to the Lord. I even got mad at Him. You know, God always knows what were thinking, feeling. I am honest with Him. And yes, I was mad. I asked Him where He was, why He wasn’t coming to my rescue? I know Him as my Abba Father, a role ONLY He has ever filled, and I knew He was always there for me. So I bluntly asked Him where He was! “Everything’s crumbling, Lord, what am I supposed to do?” Because I do have this relationship with Him, I was able to say,”It’s okay Father. I know you’re working everything out, and I trust You. You will never leave or forsake me. I trust You…” But I was still mad. I can’t tell u how many times I cried out to him and simply said, “Lord I hate this! I don’t want it! Please! Help me. Fix me.”
Okay people, here comes the revelation. Tuesday, June 3rd, as I was driving the 26 miles from our comfortable little country home into town to my new (now 3 month old) job, I “saw” it.
Baby bird, it’s time to fly.
I almost have tears typing this.
All of a sudden it was clear…ish. haha. Today is Friday, and the past 3 days have been super busy, mentally, at work. I took an online class Tues night, the very night of the baby bird revelation. That class has me more fired up about my future than I’ve felt in years. I’ve felt God lead me to the revelation that He never forgets the dreams He’s placed in our heads even when we do. I feel alive. I am looking forward. I am excited to get up each day and get busy on this new adventure God has for me!
I’ve thought about those baby birds… Comfy, warm, and cozy in the home their parents made for them. As they grow, they play with their family and their every need is attended to. They might, as they are growing older, venture over to the side of their nest and peek out into the big, wonderous world, but no matter, they always go back to the comfort of the nest. …where it’s safe …where everybody knows your name where your needs are handled. Comfort.
It’s much easier, now, for me to imagine the day that comes when the parents decide it’s time for this baby bird to go out into the world and do and be all they’ve prepared it to do and to be. You know, I bet that little bird has imagined it a few times herself. Maybe doubt, fear, or just the plain comfort of that nest has caused her to shake her head and decide, “No, here is better, safer.”
So when that day comes, and the parents PUSH the little bird out of the nest…. Omigosh! How horrifying! “What are you doing? You’re my father! You always take care of me! What are you doing? I don’t wanna go. I don’t want this. What have I done wrong?” Yes, I get it! I understand.
You know, no matter what that little bird says, those parents continue to push. They know their baby is ready to fly, even if she can’t see it. They know that staying in that nest is not what she was made for… That she was made to THRIVE! And with the final push…
Fear. Terror. Tears. Confusion….
On the way down, falling outta that tree, I think the little bird begins to remember a few lessons she had with her Daddy. How to spread her wings…. I bet she is a little surprised herself when she spread those beautiful wings how strong they actually are…
One flap, then another… She is rising. She’s doing it! Imagine the exhilaration! The sights she can see up in the air… The beauty of God’s creation! The freedom…
This is what she was made to do! This is what all of the comfort, cozy, learning, and playing was about.
There might be wrecks here and there. We’ve all watched a bird hit a house window. It may have thought it was an entrance, but no. They might get stunned a minute, haha, but they shake it off and away they go again.
God cares for the sparrow… And for us even more! I’m just barely outta the nest… But so excited! I’m loving what I see! I’m ready to THRIVE!